Unknown Animal Psychic
by SilverTidus
Summary: Ya' know that Animal Psychic woman on Animal Planet? Here's a parody...


Bill: My pet duck (Which I've actually seen on that show) seems to be really secluded lately...  
  
Lady: Let me find out what is wrong... *Kneels down and breaks a hip*  
  
Lady: What's wrong?  
  
Duck: Quack............  
  
Lady: REALLY!?  
  
Duck: ....  
  
Lady: o_O  
  
Duck: Quack....  
  
Bill: What's wrong?  
  
Lady: *Several small cracking noises are heard as she gets up form kneeling position*  
  
Lady: I need to talk to you in private...  
  
Bill: Please..  
  
Duck: Quack.....  
  
Lady: Alright. He says at night, you spread peanut butter all over his body, and lick it off. Especially around the behind area.  
  
Audience: o_O  
  
Bill:  
  
_  
  
_  
  
_  
  
_  
  
Duck: Quack....  
  
Audience: ô_O  
  
Lady: He also says that when you had the sex change operation, that you fell madly in love with the doctor and you danced in the ballroom all night long...  
  
Bill: I live in an apartment... AND I'VE HAD THIS GIGANTIC PENIS SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN!  
  
Duck: Quack...  
  
Lady: OKAY! Now who might this be?  
  
Lillian: *Holding worm* This is my pet worm, he also seems distressed.  
  
Lady: Oooh... he's very beautiful!  
  
Lillian: I know, heehee.  
  
Lady: *Puts worm in hand* Tell me, handsome fellow...what is bothering your inner-self?  
  
Worm: *squirms around*  
  
Lady: *Sigh*  
  
Lillian: What is it?  
  
Lady: Your worm has caught AIDS from unprotected sex...  
  
Little girl watching TV: This bitch is crazy...  
  
Lady: NEXT!!!! *Walks to another woman*  
  
Lady: Where is your animal?  
  
Lisa: *Holds out a cat skeleton* Right here ^_^  
  
Lady: Ummm....... what's wrong?  
  
Lisa: Oh, Mr.Fluffles here *Skeleton's arm breaks off* tells me that he has wild sex fetishes that involve a whip, old man and a fat woman in a bikini. He is starting to scare me, how can I get him to stop these fantasies!?  
  
Lady: Ehhh.... *Bends over to woman as her shirt goes up to reveal the top of her ass crack*  
  
Lady: Honey, YOU'RE CRAZY YOU STUPID HO!!! *Strangles woman*  
  
- Long beep-  
  
COMMERCIAL:  
  
Woman: *Doing gymnastics* I have genital warts.... *Shows her bungee jumping* When I was diagnosed, I beat my boyfriend senseless and then proceeded to slaughter his entire family...  
  
Woman: But NOW, I've taken power, genital warts don't get to me anymore, I'll still be the same little slut I always was and sleep with any AND every guy I see so I can just catch another sexually transmitted disease...  
  
Man: I've always been self concious about my incredibly small penis, and when I got genital warts, I KNEW I would never have sex agian, no matter HOW drunk I got any woman... *Shows him driving sports car*.......*sports car crashes into wall and explodes*  
  
Announcer: This drug is not for everyone, although there are no side effects, no one will ever sleep with you again knowing that you are a little whore who's vagina is infested with disgusting warts because ONE NIGHT, YOU DECIDED TO FU... Oh shit, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS REHEARSAL! YOU SON OF A - BEEP-  
  
END COMMERCIAL:  
  
Lady: *With hair all messy now* Well now, it seems we've got quite of an action-packed show...HAHAHAHAHHAHA!  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Everyone: *Cricket chirps*  
  
Lady: ANYWAY, who might this be?  
  
Chris: *Has a cow laying on top of him*  
  
Chris: This is......*Gasps for air* Mi......Milky! I just.......*gasps for air* wan.......ted to bring..............him *gasps for air* to the show!  
  
Lady: Well, I'd gladly have a conversation with him! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Lady: Milky, what's the matter?  
  
Milky: MOOO!!!! MOO GOD DAMMIT! I SAID MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Lady: Milky says he's hungry  
  
Chris: I fed him during............*gasps for air* the commercial.......BREAK! *CRUNCH*  
  
Lady: Are you alright? *Bends over as several little cracking sounds are heard again*  
  
Chris: *Dead*  
  
Milky: MOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU SONS OF BITCHES! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Lady: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight!!!!! Meow, Woof, GOODBYE!!! 


End file.
